Within this set, I remember having to push through a condition during the period, in which some of these were created. It was a depressive episode, triggered by stress from work related issues. And I was continuing to struggle within a relationship with my then partner, that was taking its toll on my mental health. I felt discouraged from the amount of fatigue that weighed heavily on me. Although I was deeply frustrated with outer influences, discouraging me from creating when arriving home, it was a reminder of coping strategies that drawing provided. This series was inspired by sexual frustration, and the need for expression of such issues to aid as a safe, therapeutic outlet for me in many ways.
Body Machine # 66
Body Machine # 67
Body Machine # 68
Body Machine # 69
Body Machine # 70
1. Body machine # 66, is a close up of what takes place in the previous drawings. When one is watching porn, they will see such scenes as these, depending on the director, and period. Scenes like these are supposed to arouse the viewer more. I like the detail that can be explored visually, from a draftsman's perspective. I believe drawing sex can be as adventurous as actually having it.
2. Body machine # 67, is when I remember experiencing another depressive episode. I came home lacking the motivation to sit at my drafting table. I felt crappy and wondered would it cause me to produce bad work. Usually I cannot create when depressed, and it is such an unfortunate feeling. I tend to journal only through these moments. But I was determined to keep going. I turned on some music, and grabbed my pen and Bristol board pad. I sketched out whatever scene came into my mind, that somehow continued the series. I was not pleased with what was appearing on the white surface. But I did not care at this point, because it was only important to keep going. And I did achieve persistence, if nothing else.
3. Body machine # 68, was still during this episode. I became content with just remaining creative. I experimented with shapes to present anatomical perspectives, that were not drawn before, by my own hand. I will say I pushed through enough, to become daring, and challenge myself. When I do not care much about polished results, the best things happen.
4. Body machine # 69, I wanted to add things in the room, that were important to me, like books, cds and art. I was not fond of leaving wall spaces blank, with sheet rock as many modern rooms display. The wood paneling, allowed me to fill in the spaces with more line and depth. I have changed this aesthetic in my drawings, since then, but it was enjoyable during this period. It was very effective in my lynching series, as it reflected the times and narratives.
5. Body machine # 70, I did not always think in chronological order with this series. Sometimes I thought about individual panels, that could be placed in various areas of the story. And with this drawing, the comforter and pillow are not included like previous drawings. But anything could have happened in between intimate moments, realistically speaking. They could have decided to do without them. But because I cared less about
quality, and more about working through my depressive episode, certain details were ignored. I was also experimenting with surfaces and textures beneath them for visual effects. While doing this, it did not always occur to me, if certain scenes matched in drawings before them. Sometimes pieces were completed and immediately put away so I could have room for creating another one.
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